 Translation: I am scary. (Please do not wear this shirt if you do not frequently hide in crevices and frighten people.) |
 Translation: I am ferocious. (Please do not wear this shirt if you are mild mannered or enjoy quiet evenings.) |
 Translation: I am mobile. (Please do not wear this shirt if you cannot touch your toes or run faster than a lion.) |
 |
 Translation: I am large. (Please do not wear this shirt if you are medium and/or small.) |
 Translation: I am accommodating. (Please do not wear this shirt if you are not the sole source of transportation for the majority of your acquaintances.) |
 Translation: I am celebratory. (Please do not wear this shirt if the glass is half empty.) |
 Translation: I am sweet. (Please do not wear this shirt if less than 80% of your acquaintances fall madly in love with you and that breathtaking smile.) |
 Translation: I am protective. (Please do not wear this shirt if you have yet to successfully defended a 3-4 month long siege on your home.) |
 Translation: I am suggestive. (Please do not wear this shirt if you are easily frightened by large moving vehicles.) |
 Translation: I am headstrong. (Please do not wear this shirt if you abhor confrontation, saving damsels from distress, and riding off into sunsets.) |
 Translation: I am uninterested. (Please do not wear this shirt if you are, or could become, interested.) |
 (Please do not wear this shirt if you seldom freak out and break s**t all over the place.) |
 Translation: I am helpful (Please do not wear this shirt if you've yet to save a total of 3-400 lives - with your eyes closed, and your hands tied.) |
 Translation: I am awesome. (Please do not wear this shirt if you are indeed not awesome or would rather build castles or save princesses.) |
 Translation: I am goodtimes. (Please do not wear this shirt if you are younger than 21 and/or can't polish off a keg in less than three minutes.) |
 Translation: I am wise. (Please do not wear this shirt if you have yet to complete a bachelors program and/or still believe in Santa Claus.) |
 (Please do not wear this shirt if you are not the first to jump off the bridge.) |
 (We wouldn't presume to tell you what to wear good sir or madam...heh...have a nice day...unless, you know, you prefer a bad one...heh...we'll leave now.) |
 Translation: I am hot. (Please do not wear this shirt if your hotness does not exceed 9 on the 1-10 hotness scale, unless you have literally burned two or more people through other means.) |
 Translation: I am thrilled. (Please do not wear this shirt if 'FIRST!!! HA!! STOOPID NOOBS!! I PWNED YOU!! YEAARGH!!' is endlessly irritating to you.) |
 Translation: I am win. (Please do not wear this shirt if you fear losing your knees, face, or cred.) |
 Translation: I am meaty. (Please do not wear this shirt if a person of average build could not take a hearty bite out of your calf and cheerfully walk away with their hunger quenched.) |
 Translation: I am passion. (Please do not wear this shirt if you have not sung to someone you love, won a Superbowl with a broken ankle, or killed a dragon to save a kingdom.) |
 Translation: I am clever. (Please do not wear this shirt if you are buddhist.) |
 Translation: I am delicious. (Please do not wear this shirt if you dislike being licked or brain freezes.) |
 (Please do not wear this shirt if getting hit in the face with a shovel either draws blood or irks you.) |
 (Please do not wear this shirt as the irony isn't as amusing as you'd think.) |
 Translation: I am loved. (Please do not wear this shirt if you do not know who loves you and why.) |
 Translation: I am dominant. (Please do not wear this shirt if you couldn't easily eat a man's entire face in four minutes or less.) |
 Translation: I am anything. (Please do not wear this shirt if you are Ed Sullivan.) |
 Translation: I am accomplished. (<;/span>Please do not wear this shirt on a date.) |
 Translation: I am balls. (Please do not wear this shirt if you have not saved the world at least once within the last 48 hours.) |
 Translation: I am connected. (Please do not wear this shirt if have not heard from six or more people in the last twenty minutes.) |
 Translation: I am guaranteed. (Please do not wear this shirt if the odds of you winning in a contest of skill are less than 100:1.) |
 Translation: I am unknowable. (Please do not wear this shirt. It's for your own safety.) |
 Translation: I am anti. (Please do not wear this shirt if you are a good person who enjoys odd, yet unique, clothing products.) |
 Translation: I am chaste. (Please do not wear this shirt if you are either promiscuous or may be deemed to be overly friendly to the opposite sex.) |
 Translation: I am comfortable. (Please do not wear this shirt if you do not wish for dozens of beautiful people, of varying ethnicity, age, and sex, to snuggle with you in a friendly manner.) |
 Translation: I am invincible. (Please do not wear this shirt if you cannot safely fly yourself to hell and back using nothing more than a trusty pair of aviator sun glasses and a toilet roll.) |
 Translation: I am swashbuckling. (Please do not wear this shirt if both of your eyes function normally or you fear dying in the jaws of a giant ninja-shark-whale-squid thing.) |
 Translation: I am assorted. (Please do not wear this shirt if you possess less than four stellar qualities practiced to perfection.) |
 Translation: I am aces. (Please do not wear this shirt if you are not familiar with the phrases; River, Rounders, or Railbird.) |
 Translation: I am honest. (Please do not wear this shirt if you propagate the myths of Bigfoot, Nessy, or Abraham Lincoln.) |
 Translation: I am relentless. (Please do not wear this shirt if mead is not your choice beverage whilst chewing on humans or white dragons.) |
 Translation: I am muscle. (Please do not wear this shirt if you've never flipped a 12 ton truck simply because you bloody well felt like it.) |
 Translation: I am reliable. (Please do not wear this shirt if you plan on engaging in risky, dangerous, or potentially offensive behavior within the next 24 hours.) |
 Translation: I am scrumptious. (Please do not wear this shirt if you just aren't ridiculously awesome and tasty in every way.) |
 Translation: I am obvious. (Please do not wear this shirt if you were searching for a clever phrase.) |
 Translation: I am malnourished. (Please do not wear this shirt and find something to eat immediately! Though come back when you've put some meat on, ok?) |
 Translation: I am clean. (Please do not wear this shirt if you either intend to, or previously have, viewed materials of a pornographic nature.) |
 Translation: I am stellar. (Please do not wear this shirt if light speed makes you nauseous.) |
 Translation: I am horny. (Please do not wear this shirt if you snickered at the childish description.) |
 Translation: I am loud. (Please do not wear this shirt if both of your eardrums are fully functional.) |
 Translation: I am perfect. (Please do not wear this shirt if there is a single person who doesn't love you to death, and/or if you're allergic to peanut butter and/or bread.) |
 Translation: I am menacing. (Please do not wear this shirt if you haven't slaughtered an entire encampment of mystical ninjas within the last thirty-six minutes.) |
 Translation: I am legendary. (Please do not wear this shirt if you have slept with less than two thousand Brazilian models.) |
 Translation: I am retro. (Please do not wear this shirt if you are not familiar with the following terms; VHS, CD, Floppy Disk, Duke Nukem 2D, Commander Keen, Shareware, Sega Genesis, or Super Nintendo.) |
 Translation: I am barbaric. (Please do not wear this shirt if you have not raided any coastal villages or breweries today.) |
 Translation: I am prosperous. (Please do not wear this shirt if you spend less than $40 million on toiletries for your house guests each year.) |
 Translation: I am confusing (Please do not wear this shirt if you still believe the walrus was either mccartney or lennon, it was stephen colbert. koo koo ka-truth.) |
 Translation: I am wicked. (Please do not wear this shirt if you've yet to throw a child in a tasty stew.) |
 Translation: I am magic. (Please do not wear this shirt if you can't block out the sun, blow up the moon, and make a ham sandwich from wet sand.) |
 Translation: I am aggressive (Please do not wear this shirt if you've never killed to possess something, or someone, you may have wanted at the time.) |
 Translation: I am hairy. (Please do not wear this shirt if you are smooth skinned and/or similar in texture, size, and weight to a baby's bottom.) |
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